Crying is okay here...

DISCLAIMER
Some THinGs MighT not StRinG
REALLY convoluted THOUGHTS here
IDEAs MIGHt sTop AbrUptlY
PosT wAs NoT EdiTeD
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My phone rings
3:16am
"hello... hello?" "Have you ever hated yourself?
what was going on?"what did you say?"
You heard me
"Have you ever hated yourself... so much, dying was not even worth it?"

"Who am I living for?
Is this my limit?
Can I endure some more?
Chances are giving
Questions existing
I mentioned it twice or thrice in the past
she is more than a sister
shes my bestfriend
everyone in her life
becomes part of my life
her parents
her siblings
her boyfriend..s...

So he calls he and says
i call her, no answer
cuts me off every time im talking
which means she ain’t never hear nothing
i say “stay”, she wanna leave
she up on her car so i gotta be
ima let her be by herself in peace
but five years from now i bet she see
so before he left, she up and bounced out
Singing
them people, they talking
them lights, they on me
this life i chose
but i aint know, til i found it
to be honest, im modest
WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO BE FAITHFUL?
I never understood why
until recently
to much strings to the past
the Ex's
**Case of the EX**
After reading Sugarkiings post
I sorta agreed with him, so am saying, We can always remain friends after we break up
No hard feelings
right?
You can send me texts that begin with "do you remember when..."
and end with "... i miss you..." right?
We can meet for drinks saturday afternoons
You can call me to tell me about how fab this girl you are seeing is
right?
I can ask your opinion on what to wear for my Mans surprise party
Hell i can even invite you for the party am throwing for him
afterall we are like best friends now right?
WRONG
An Ex should never be a friend
Coz if there are no hard feelings
there just might be softer feelings lying somewhere
I might just hate the innocent 'fab' girl you are dating
My Man might hate how much time we spend on our saturday afternoon get togethers
Why dont you spend that time with me?
three days ago it was his sisters graduation
He is just my friend!
*Cringe*
And he might make me cancel the party i was gonna throw for him
Until i set my priorities right
How i might call you to cry...
How you might turn up at my door 15 minutes later
at 11:00pm
How our song might start playing on the radio
How your lips might feel so good on mine...after so long

How you might change your relationship status on facebook from in a relationship to its complicated...
Complicated
Thats how my relationship with my man might become
You are different he insists
Am okay...
just issues
as i put my phone on silent
cos you might be calling
How we might be having this argument
2 weeks later
am tired of creeping on the low
what do you suggest? that we tell them?
umm.. i dont think so
i didnt think so
*Fuming*
Back home
He might find out through a friend-of-a-friends-friend
the accusing words might get a bit too harsh
Accusing... but true
where God at? i need to call Him
my knees on the ground, Dear Father
don’t let me break, please make me stronger
how much longer, will it linger?
Its overrr
Its over
over
How every relationship might end in shambles

Just because i kept in touch with you
How did it get from that simple text to this...
. . .

Current Listen: Wale and Rihanna
Can i endure (contemplate)
as highlighted in the post
:D

Crush: / krsh/ a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special.

That is urban dictionary's definition
Not your girls'
haba, intori olorun, biko dat is tooo much for a crush now...
Crush: When seeing someone just makes you smile for absolutely no reason, something about the subject usually tickles your fancy, could be their eyes, that persons smile, or how that person sends you 'miss you *smiley face*' every ten minutes
Can last for 1- 2 weeks
******************************************************
Earlier in life, i never owned up to having a crush
Even if my pupils turned to little red hearts every time he looks my way
i just denied it to everyone
my friends, my diary and even myself
Until months later, i look at the guy
and go, did i like him, sometime back... or not?
LOL
I still remember my earliest crushes
When i was in primary school, Sometime in primary 2 it was this guy, his name was Daniel, we used to sit together in front of the class (translates into: we were the shortest kids in our class) he never used to push me or other girls off the swing, he used to play 'ringa ringa roses' with me, and he used to share my lunch :)
I don't even know where on earth he is.. i should look for him on facebook
Years later it was Tahj from Sister sister

I have to say that after this point
most of my crushes lived far from me...
In this beautiful world called TV
Junior secondary it was j boog from B2k, now he has two kids!
anyway this is a picture of him i love

(i never used to look at Omarion then)
Senior secondary it was Bow wow
Bow wow for a long time
Especially all that period of like you
that was my song!
In medical school it became Patrick Dempsey from Greys Anatomy
Then Boris Kodjoe
*PAUSE*
but DAYEEEM!
now Boris Kodjoe stayed in my heart longer than anyone in this post
It was after Brown Sugar, and especially after Madeas family reunion
Damn i loved his character in that movie
I used to watch clips from that movie... Scenes he appeared in
The Bus scene...
The Park Scene with the kids
The wedding vows...

I was gaga over Boris Kodjoe
As in i went to bed smiling because i knew i would wake up, to watch another 10 minutes of Boris Kodjoe
I was that obsessed!

then it was Derwin Davis from the Game

Enough with Reel life, lets talk about Real life
I wont lie, i am very attracted to very good looking guys
but i have always been a chicken, so i always act uninterested and not-so-impressed...
More important than looks, is a guys attitude
After spending 2 minutes listening to Mr World and you realize how shallow, self conceited, rude, vain, or boring he is, you cant blame me for seeing that Mask of fineness just washing away from him like rain washing paint off a wall...
(very bad comparison but... u get?)
And yeah, there have been guys who never really stroked my fancy at first but after getting to know them, you actually find yourself growing really fond of them
Like really fond of them
There is more to a guy than the Versace on his back
Or how sleek those sideburns look
Or that Million Dollar pack
There is more to a guy than all that

I have crushes on guys and nobody ever knows
Like nobody ever knows
I don't know why, but coincidentally when i like someone
i always have a girlfriend coming to tell me about how much she likes the same person
and...
I always encourage her
to
talk
to
him
and watch them hit it off
*sigh*

I have had crushes on guys and a year later i suddenly bump into them and go...
"what the HELL was i thinking??!"

I have had a crush on a guy but when he asked if i felt the same way i claimed i liked someone else
why?
I honestly don't know

I have liked and talked non stop about a guy for the whole weekend and saw him the following Monday and realized he was not so cute after all
It was not so long ago
It was just a week ago
Well now, a crush to me, is just an excuse to gush with my girlfriends
I am so into my boo
So no matter how cute mr-whatshis name is
i wouldnt care less

Oh! of cos and my famous girl crush
on miss keri baby!
i actually make it look like a big thing
most people look at me and say
u have a what...
and i say
"girl crush"
lol
am crazy most times

On a totally random issue
I just heard "swagger"
in an indian movie!!!
and i was like... but why???

Anyways My favorite girl is coming to see me
she reads too much! She just left school around this time on a Saturday!
lol now y'all know why she doesn't update her blog in ages :D
Yaayyy she just called me so am going to pick her up
Its gonna be a wonderful girls night in!!!!
Xoxo

The Law abiding citizen

yeah
am not gonna spoil it for anyone
but DAMN!
For my people on blogsville that have watched it...
Did u find it as wonderful-in-a-i-have-to-write-the-producer-a-long-thank-you-letter way?
I did!
Jamie Foxx was excellent
And so was Gerald Butler
(wow... so Romantic comedys were not his only forte)
Off to bed, lovely people
I'll be back, when i have real posts
Forgive me :(

Meet Fierce

I call her Red
Shes got a mind that works faster than ul ever know
Shes eloquent... shes dares to be different
Meet Fierce here
you will love her

When the centre cannot hold...

It wasn’t writers block
Or bloggers blog, sorry I meant block
It was both
Add school, work and a very bad flu in there
Mix very well, keeping in mind the million times u logged on blogsville
read, laughed, and quietly signed out
garnish with a movie a two
serve with lots of love and an apology
And enjoy what it brings
Todays post!

Okay first things first
What i think about Fame
Well it wasn't disapointing
It was just okay
Its just not my fave dance movie
The last 30 minutes *two thumbs up*
but before then
i had checked my wristwatch about six times...
and by sweetness' standards
thats a no-no for a movie thats supposed to be worth watching
But the soundtrack has been in my head ever since
and so has this music video
i just love it

Things fall apart
My very good friend was taking part
and that was the only reason i went to watch the play
and it was worth every minute
i hadn't laughed so much in a long while
An anonymous blogger was also in the play
she knows her self *giggles*
I was gonna put her picture in the costume and all but there's no point
since u dont even know the anonymous blogger
even without the afro *evil laugh*

On someone's stupidity
This tall slim, off a magazine cover blonde in Leather and jeans meets me one night
while i was stuggling to close accounts with all the noise going on
her: (noisily chewing gum, not so impressive considering the carefully and beautifully made face) where can i get water for the performers
me: (*blank stare* okay so what if am wearing a shirt that says staff, you are right in front of the fridge)... umm i dunno what kind of water the performers take but everybody else gets water from that fridge

was that harsh? i'll blame it on the ah ah aah test coming up tuesday

On my Flu
God is finally paying me for all the wicked things i think and do
I woke up one morning with a terrible flu
so bad i was scared it was swine flu
Tufiakwa! mba!
not my portion
am feeling much better now thank you


On facebook
The old feeling is back, am finally getting what all the fuss about twitter is about
i love it... for now

Theres this ghanaian film
Heart of Men... with Majeed, Jackie et all
hands together for the first west african porno
what can i say
havent watched it yet but the trailer i saw said more than enough
oh well am keeping my fingers crossed
until i watch it
*smh*
An old friend found me on facebook yesterday...
Red has a blog
so does esay
anyway am off to bed
TGIF


before i leave... heres wishing Aisha happy married life
i finally found a picture i loved enough to share with you guys
isnt she a beautiful bride?


have a great weekend guys
much love!

Fame and Me

Am pretty excited about watching Fame tomorrow
I hope its reaally good, am gonna be disappointed if its not
like seriously its the only dance movie all year.
Right now am watching Jay Z on the Oprah show.
Great personality, he is.
Its amazing to know that all through his teenage years while he sold drugs
He never took drugs
But thats not surprising is it
'Good dealers dont do' ayt??
True
I just got a call from my boss
some mix up in my schedule
I am doing all my assignments now, yeah like every single one
before i go to work because am working till late
and am gonna be pretty exhausted by the time i get back home
Yes and this weekend am gonna be 'acting mommys baby'
no assignments, thank u very much
******************************************************
Back to my old habits
my X rated novels are back!
yes, yours truly got all the books she stashed under her bed out
and read and re-read them over and over again
Which reminds me- i have to get more

like a whole lot!
So today in class, Ricco hid my apple juice
(why?) i dont know
okay am kidding, its a little game we play
so apparently Costa had his apple juice on the desk too
And Iman kept hers too later
on that same table
all apple juice(s)
And while R is doing some other thing
I pick up an apple juice
and conveniently sipped it until class was over
and when the bell goes Ricco brings out my juice and is like
"i see u did not miss your juice today"
and am like...

whaaaaaaat???!

ewwwwwww
*********************************************************

I miss my boo. teribly
And no, its not the novels, i just got off the phone with him
i really do miss him, and i hate this distance
*sigh*

Money, Success and Fame never change you
They just bring out the you that has been hiding
when you did not have them

oh yess!
Banky W and Karl Wolf are performing in Ottawa tonight!

I have a new friend
everybody say hi to Lola
Xx

Me and Usher (oh and Peter of course)

http://www.thisdayonline.com/nview.php?id=154942
Thats a must read for anyone who hasn't seen it already
(am a bit sloooow on things work, school and all)
******************************************************************
The season premiere of Heroes 'Orientation' was great
it just had me thinking...
how did i even survive without Heroes?
******************************************************************
RESOLUTIONS
*rolling my eyes*
yeah i know! its September and am just making resolutions
wrong!
I made 'em in January
am just adding 3 new now :-)
******************************************************************
In no particular order
No drama
*ever*
from a girl or guy, no drama
as soon as u smell drama, back out
nobody ever understands me when i start with my no-drama-wahala
I grew up as an 'almost-only' child
i am not used to 'they say u say'
I am not used to 'they will start saying...'
I absolutely hate'... i heard that...'
shut up already!
Its really unfortunate that i lose interest very easily
and i probably suck at keeping in touch
SMH
really i do
but anyway back to the important stuff
****************************************************************
There's something about guys
I think all cheats look alike
I think all liars look alike
I think all skirt chasers have this particular look
am i the only person who feels that way
****************************************************************
Oh yeah the post title... i had this dream about usher
???
infact... weird!
I have a class in fifteen minutes
Send ur BB pins
i need t add y'all
Much love
xoxo