Saturday, April 25

Can you see
The honest questions in my heart this hour?
I'm opening like a flower to the rain
And do you know
The silent sorrows of a
Never ending journey through the pain

Do you see a brighter day for me?
Another day?
A day?
Do you wonder what's in store for me?
The cure for me?
The way?

Oh look down and see the tears I've cried
The lives I've lived
The deaths I've died
You died them too
And all for me
And you say:

"I will pour my water down
Upon a thirsty barren land
And streams will flow from the dust of
Your bruised and broken soul
You will grow like the grass
Upon the fertile plains of Asia
By the streams of living water
You will grow
You will grow"

Do you know
My story from the start?
And do you know me
Like you've always told me?
Do you see?
The whispers in my heart against your kindness
My eternal blindness
Do you see?

Thursday, April 23

something different to blog about

questions and answers

Your favorite childhood memory – *oh dear! i played a lot... no wonder am so calm now*

Wash your face or rinse you mouth, which do you do first in the morning – *switch the computer on*

The scariest moment of your life - *da day my mom said i was adopted, mom? who jokes like dat to a 7 year old?*

One word that best describes you – *unpredictable*

Your favorite month of the year – *June*

Your favorite number - *2... two of us, me n you*

The nicest thing anyone ever said to you – *the innocence about u mks ur soul beautiful*

Current relationship status – *just da way i like it*

What exactly are you wearing right now – *shorts nd a tee*

What is your current problem - *hmm... whats for breakfast?*

What do you love most - *God nd ma family*

If you could go back in time and change anything, what would it be? *who cares about the past? i have my life ahead of me*

If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be? *y da hell would i wanna be one?*

Name an obvious quality you have – *patience*

Are you musically inclined? *very*

The name of the song that's stuck in your head right now – *knocks u down, keri hilson*

Name someone with the same birthday as you – *my soulmate Umar*

Do you have a crush on someone? - *It will shock u*

Have you ever been in a fight? *nah... da silent treatment works just fine 4 me*

What is the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex? *His face*

One of the biggest mistakes you’ve made – *yawn... my life is so carefully put togeda, mistakes? bah!*

What do you think about prostitutes? – *If the men didn’t patronize them they wont be*

Say something very random about you? *nothing rocks like explicit novels haha*

Your favorite part of your body – *My lil finger, left hand (i know, weird huh? i warned u)*

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? *Yup*

Are you comfortable with your height? *Yes very! i think its sexy lol*

What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you? *A guy stayed outside ma hostel all night just cos i didnt wanna talk to him, was goin 4 lectures the following day n i saw him sleeping in his car... but thats not romantic is it? cos it freaked me out...*

What is your favourite smell? *Soap... ryt outta da wrapper before it gets in2 water... inhale! haaa! soap*

Have you ever been rushed to the emergency room? *yup, one bright sunny day*

Why are you answering all these questions? *Nothing to blog about*

Wednesday, April 22

GADGETS cool concepts

The top three coolest phones ever
from NOKIA
number three on the list is Nokia scentsory
3. yeah! scent-sory: it gives of fragrances of your choice
haha, instead of the usual ring tones, i could just make pure poison my sisters scentsory alert and davidoff cool water can be my bestfriends alert
classy huh? you match a persons perfume to the next incoming call... blesss!
who says ring tones aren't outdated?
(and loud)
personally I'd say its a girl phone
it wouldn't hurt to see a guy with one though!


2. the NOKIA O-pen,
will fit perfectly in your pocket, i mean, look at it, it looks like a pen. when the button in the middle is pushed an LCD display disc is revealed... artsy yeah? i know!


coolest phones... the nokia 888 is last on my list because its my favorite, it is flexible, so u can wrap it around your wrist, fold it, bend it, roll it, flatten it....
a-ma-zing huh?

sorry but i tried to keep this in...

... and i couldn't. why do some people just chose to be so immature and attention seeking? facebook is not a place to air your dirty linen and talk about your messed up relationship.
ur love-life is pathetic? so are three quarters of the relationships out there.
u need to know where am coming from
A guy wrote a note: A long note about his ex girlfriend
cool. he always has the saddest status updates ever.. you know, going on and on about how relationships suck and how girls are liars and how he can never trust anyone.
excuse me... but if i can recall well, the facebook status uploader asks whats on your mind right now?
you cant tell me those are the only things that are always on your mind
how about an ambition?
listen am not dissing anybody here, i am just saying, everyone has an opinion, and like the one you are reading right now they all stink.
so telling your 1,234 friends on facebook the day you met her, outlining your conversations with her, what she says... what she did, how she broke your heart....
come on
you are just seeking for attention and pity and thats so sick
cos you are better than that
and even though you say something else
that note clearly prooves to me that you are not over her
and unfortunately she has clearly moved on

opinions are like armpits: they all stink

Monday, April 20


and today, my favorite topic in relationships... "the forbidden ones"
you cant blame me, at the rate everyone is falling in love with someone they know they are not supposed to love.
'not supposed to love...' even to me, that sounds biased, why should people be divided into those you can date, and those you can't date.
okay for those of us that need to be clear on guys that are forbidden, babes, listen up
1) forbidden guy number 1
your friends boyfriend
yes. girl, you call her your friend, so why that sly smile when he walks into the room, the wink, when her back is turned to the coffee-pot, why do u twirl a strand of ur hair as he licks his lips as her back is turned to him while he is helping her into her coat. how do you feel? not cool, not fair... i dunno about everybody else, but the whole waiting to be alone, tearing off your clothes cos theres no time, talking in hushed tones, smiling only when no one is looking, not being able to save his messages on your mobile, constantly deleting your call log?? isn't that too stressful? and really it only looks good in movies, its not so fab in the real world.

2) forbidden guy number 2
your boyfriends friend
as in really, babe, why??? one thing about guys you should know, nothing stays inside
and in da end, slut is gonna be beautifully tagging along on your collar bone, as you walk, after you lose your relationship... besides this special friend of yours.... he probably has a girlfriend, and no he is not gonna leave her... not for you atleast, cos oh well u were cheating on your boyfriend, his friend, how is he sure you wont do the same??

3) forbidden guy number 3
peoples fathers/husbands

hmmm... how do i start? isn't the potbelly enough? need i say more? whats attractive there? what is pulling you... his bulk is probably blocking your mr.right from seeing you cos you are hidden and no one sees you.
and for the guys.. forbidden girls, oh well you know best, so i wont say much. In the girl~kingdom, she knows someone who knows someone who lives close to where you went last nyt
'nuff said


Sunday, April 19


yup! dats what i said
in a place where all the ridiculous and attrocious things lift their heads
what better name to call it than ridiculous city
am sorry but for the next couple of days am gonna be talking about guys
yeah guys... those lovely bronzed out, six packed boxes (with a red ribbon on top)
and all the problems they come with.
yes and all the problems they come with
did i mention all the problems they come with?
right now i have a friend who is pulling her hair out of their roots cos of a
*brace yourself people, here it comes*
a guy with the label 'boyfriend', under section skirt-chaser
what else is new?
a cheating boyfriend is as old as ridiculocity itself
and a lot of beautiful, strong ladies are trampled by this evil monster called love
that my dear is NOT love
open ur eyes babe and smell (no not da coffee... pleaaase?)
the perfume on his collar... the way his eyes wander when your girlfriends are around
that, my dear is not love, that is a man.
a man
he is not to be worshipped
and believe me when i say u will not be struck by lightening if you leave him
so why are you scared to walk out of his life?
its amazing how some people act dumb about their sweethearts escapades
u know he is doing all that he is doing... and yet you stay???
babe? no really? babe???
u deserve better,
i know u have your messed up days
i know sometimes you area total nutcase
but u deserve better
but u wont get better until you get rid of this terrible stain in your life
you are not tied to him

and no lesbianism is not da answer...
but thats talks for another reading


Monday, April 6


''... wishes da sun will shine brighter tomorrow than it did today''
wasn't that my facebook stats update right before i went to bed
just to wake up and see the snow pouring down in full glory
through my room window
unpredictable... that's how life is
just like the weather
one minute its da shinning sun glowing so beautifully
its kiss upon ur cheeks
makes u keen on another day
and then another day comes and its not like yesterday
da extremes are so wide
and painful
u begin to wonder if yesterday was ur imagination
as you watch all your hopes respect gravity
just like the snow falls from the heavens
the human nature
you promised her forever
and forever has come and gone
you have moved on
- oh yes and so has she
she has moved from better to worse
because u see, to feel beautiful
she has made her self worthless
to feel wanted
she has done unimaginable things
and her case gets darker by the day
its hard to believe she was the pretty teen of yesteryear's
a real brainbox with a heart full of love for you
her one true love - or so she thought
she looks but she doesn't see... her judgement is clouded
her mind is fogged
she reeks of alcohol
needle marks on her arm
she barely knows who she'll be leaving the club with tonight
or the guy with the camcorder
she doesn't even know that she is rated XXX
or that her brain has had enough of the white stuff
and her overloaded system is about to crash
this life we live
here today, gone tomorrow
death comes and adds to our sorrow
her smile so bright
she always brought a shine when she walked into a room
that was back in high school
now all that's left of her
is a line up of awards from what could have been
and i, the veiled one
unpredictable they say
just because i chose to be different
i find pleasure and fun in simple things
things you can't understand
that is just me
just when you think i'll give in
that's when the renewed willpower comes in
i write... now that is predictable
but like snow
that falls when ur planning a day out at the park
u never kno when am gonna drop ma pen...

the end

Sunday, April 5

what i did today

i remember waking up because of a pain in my stomach... i sat up, clutching my stomach tight and biting my lips to keep from screaming... eventually it went away, completely.
i went to the washroom and brushed my teeth, then i switched on my computer and started working on an assignment -a very loooong one.
mimi came online and we started chatting, she's in egypt, doing her internship in a hospital cairo... minutes later i was chatting with 8llafg- my fave gurl... she's tired of malaysia
i had noodles and lots of green pepper and jalapenos for brunch...
then i washed my hair, had a long shower, blowdried it and styled it
most boriiiing day- but that is a normal sunday for me
oh i also watched a movie


don't call him queer

yes, he's my bestfriend
and yea he is gay
he lives with his boyfriend and he makes no apologies for it
so don't call him names... he doesnt even know your name
why are you so much on his case
i dont mind the fact that he is gay
as a matter of fact, i am very comfortable around him
because he is one person i konw will never hit on me
never try to kiss me after getting drunk at a party
or mess up our friendship by telling me he wants to be more than a friend
he is one person i like having around
cos we talk about shopping, paris and da cute guys in da gym
he talks about his boyfriend and i tell him about my dream guy
don't call him names
he doesn't even know that you exist
why are you on his case?

Saturday, April 4

lucky guy!

my oh my... is he lucky? or was it a wishing star? or both?
money definitely makes the world go haywire
its amazing what people do for money these days
and its appalling what they do for money

did u miss the directions

I am still waiting for my prince charming
my knight in shinning amour
the tall dark guy
with eyes for no one but me
the one i'll love forever
i feel like he's so close... he's not lost is he?
maybe he is, and too stubborn to ask for directions
am i silly for believing that he'll come?
i know for sure i'll recognize him when i see him
like he'll know me before seeing my face
yes i said before seeing my face
cos he'll love me for me... for being so... me
not for being 'me' do u catch my drift?
just as i love loving him even before i fall in love with him
he'll probably be a shy person
maybe he doesnt even like poetry...
or he's obsessed with games
(i really hope not)
but if dat be the case... well who cares?
i'll love him anyway
for him...
so am still reading da romance novels
da historical romance, the medical romance, the impossible romance
and wondering
how will my love story with you begin?
will we tell everyone how u lost ur way and didnt ask for directions :)
wherever it is that you are
am blowing you this kiss
and waiting for the day we will meet for the first time

right now

right now what's pissing me off is the noise above me
why do they have to make so much noise?
why do they have to run up the stairs
why are they so loud? i need silence
not the eerie type just da peaceful one devoid of shrieks ...
screams and bloodcurdling laughter
if i had the power, i will shut them all to a hundred years of sleep
all of them
but then the house will be boring without them...
i'll let them live


how can i begin to describe pain?
how can u stop pain?
so much pain that am so scared to cry
to disappointed to become weak
and to weak see da rainbow...
too hurt to love myself
its like watching everything start to break around you
its like all i have built is crashing in one storm
and i don't have the power to stop it
and i cant bring myself to accept it
to accept me...
so act like nothings wrong
i listen to everyone
i laugh at the jokes
and celebrate with the 'lucky ones'
they look at me and remark about how strong i am
i smile and tell them the lord is my strength
they comment on how slim and beautiful i look
and as i accept another cupcake i tell them that to get over the bad days
i joined the gym and i take yoga classes
now am home...
just me and my emptiness
i kick off my shoes
unzip my dress... and watch it slide down my thighs
i walk into the bathroom and take the pins from my hair
and stare into the mirror
the feeling comes again... so overwhelming
the tears rush down... its hard to recognize me
i find it hard to love myself
to forgive myself... and i gag
forcing everything out of my bowels
a routine act....
and i read that anorexia stays in the tabloids...
ha! it lives in my mirror...



love love love
everyone's talking about it right?
its almost annoying :)
yeah well... its a beautiful thing
a very beautiful thing that has torn two beautiful souls i know apart
ill call her Lady bee, ill call him Mister tee
they were the most perfect couple that walked on this earth
He gave her his all... she deserved it
she was worth it... you couldn't see one without the other
tongues were wagging, people were talking
but they grew stronger
and i loved them more with each passing day
because you see, back in the days, they were the only family i had
then she fell out of love...
or so she believes
i love her, i swear i do, and i am more than her best friend
i am her sister... and i stand by her in all her choices
but will he love u da way he did... this one u suddenly cant be without
u really should not hurt him like this....
and she says she'll only hurt him more if she stays with him
and so she walked away and he hasn't been the same
and i sit, watching from a distance... if that wasn't love
then it doesn't exist

one cold night...

one cold night, this blog was created...
for no reason, it was not even dated,
hmm... what name will i call you?
i need something, something true
well dats funny cos u dont have a life
but who cares? ur just my type
and am gonna tell u every single thing...
every single mystery behind my eyes
my veiled eyes...

ill call u unveiled