Monday, May 18
tears that burn...
"why are you doing this to me?"
if i had a penny for every time i hear this...
so how do i start? maybe by telling you not to judge me because i honestly don't know why i do the things i do
its a classic story, its always a classic story
a happy story with sad endings
and i don't wanna do this anymore
every time i feel like i am gonna fall in love with you i start to dig for ugly things
and if i don't find any, then you are too good to be true, and i begin to shut you out
crawling back into my shell, making excuses not to talk to you, not to see you
giving you reasons to hate me
creating reasons to hate you, because i don't wanna get hurt
i am living a lie, if it hurts then why don't i stop?
maybe i have gotten so used to the pain, i don't feel it anymore
and i can't tell nobody how i feel
am doing it again
angry for no reason, not talking to you for one reason
why do you love me?
and the tiny voice in my head asking "does he really love you"
"is this a dare"
"is he recording the phone calls"
"why does he want ALL those pictures"
"what does he tell his friends"
"why does he even love you"
i should have that label on ma forehead
because i just can't trust you
enough to kiss you with my eyes shut...
and i hate me doing this to you, i know it kills you
hell it kills me too
am just hoping am gonna piss you off enough so you leave
because i am not strong enough to tell you to leave
i just wanna take your hand in mine and put it close to my heart
do you feel this heart beating
with fear and uncertainty
when "am not sure" becomes the only thing you are sure of
it has become a routine
staying in my shell
da knocking gets louder
and eventually it fades away
but before that, the question comes
"why are you doing this?"
and i say i don't know
and i really don't know why i do it
but i do it
again and again